Monthly Archives: March 2014

Complicated Grief

I am starting to think as a culture and a country we are suffering from complicated grief. We don’t seem to get over things anymore much as someone who has been hit time after time by life gets to a place where stuck-ness and sadness and rage become a constant state of existence.

We lack rituals for transitions unless you count sports events and I don’t. We don’t acknowledge that our children going from our laps to their peers hurts.  The little girl who you used to take with you everywhere becomes a teen who hates you.  It’s temporary but the little girl is gone and you must find something to love in this new creature giving you the finger.  Saying goodbye to the younger child can be critical to forming a new relationship with a teen and then an adult and then a newlywed, etc.

Much time when I was still a therapist was spent helping parents acknowledge the sadness underneath their anger.  Acknowledging that the 8 year child is gone and missed and this 14 year old isn’t much fun usually shifted everything to more solutions and less complaining. Rituals of saying goodbye and mourning the change helped immensely. Read the rest of this entry

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